Me 10: I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
I reach the last of my '10 Best Moments of my Sporting Life', a strand which I hoped could run alongside my lists of proper, world-class sport in an interesting and insightful way. It naturally became pretty difficult to find variety. I'm not a decathlete nor am I CB Fry - there were only a few sports I was remotely competent in. I'm also not insanely, unknowingly egomaniacal. I appreciate how writing about your own minor triumphs as if they ought to mean anything to anyone else is a bit weird.
So, I determined to end this strand on a downer, rather a boring downer of breaking my leg playing football, which is I suppose the defining sporting moment I've experienced, both to try to give some perspective on how shitty sport can be sometimes and also because I thought I'd run out of incidents I could conceivably write about with a bit of flair.
But, hell no, I forgot something! How could I forget the time I performed a sport at a genuine high-class professional level? Not for the half a second of "one shot" but for a full half-hour. Yes, you're privileged to be reading the words of a man who once rolled 223.
I've watched the Weber Cup, the biennial competition between the finest bowlers from the USA and Europe. I've seen that, in that context, 223 is a perfectly decent score - not great, they usually get between 220 and 270 (perfect games are gratifyingly rare), but perfectly decent high-class rolling.
Dude.
I love bowling. I love The Big Lebowski. I love the look, the sound, the smell, the burgers and beers of the bowling alley. It's an American institution and it ought to be a British institution too.
There was a time when I bowled a little more than I ought to, both for the wellbeing of my fingers and my mind. Out of work, we'd (or even occasionally I'd) repair to some kind of Megabowl, seizing on some kind of glorious "Bowl as much as you like for £6.95 before 6pm" deal. And we bowled and bowled. We bowled 21 games in one day once. Or was it 40? It was a lot, anyway. Myself and Alex bought special bowling shirts, even thought about getting our own balls. We both got better and better.
I wasn't a great stylist, never really one for the hook onto the front pin, just straight down the line. I wasn't even the fastest. Where I've seen other rollers hit 20mph, I was more in the 15-17 mph range, even when speed was all that I was aiming for.
But my scores quickly went from 120ish to 150+ and beyond. We began to learn the terms for numbers of strikes in a row. The Turkey, for three in a row, the Bagger, for four in a row. We realised how much the game was about momentum, about always managing to at least get a spare somehow, and how it was much better if you missed a spare that it was at the start of a game.
I began to hit a few more 170s and 180s - the kind of game that would usually comprise about 5 strikes, a few spares, and only two or three dead ends.
Then, one time, this would be 2003 or 2004, I can't exactly remember where, but I'm assuming it was at the Park Royal Megabowl, I got the right kind of momentum. There was, I think, five strikes in a row in there, that beautiful sight and sound of the pins flying over and over again, there was probably only one, if any, dead end. 223. A proper score. Basically a bit of luck, really. I never got over 200 again. The way the scoring works means that there's only one or two good rolls between 220odd and 180odd, and I got over 180 quite a few times, but I haven't hit those heights since. Professional level was but a brief apparition. Shame, that would have been a fun circuit to be on. Fucking Quintana ...
These days, I'm happy to get 150, without the time to devote to my craft. Games since that golden era have been only occasional.
Bowling has been gentrified in London towns with these All-Star Lanes, which are cool for the better beer and the nicer food and the classier American look but not so much for the obsessive bowling purist.
One of my weirdest bowling moments was at All Tomorrow's Parties in 2007, which took place at Butlin's, Minehead. Bowling then listening to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Can life get better? One afternoon, we were bowling away between bands, when we saw the dude on the lane next to us rather outrageously carry his little daughter down the lane to about two yards away from the pins, just so she could knock them down. Sweet, but highly irregular. Does no one give A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES ANYMORE? And it was a Shabbas too ... well, as the Dude turned round, with his indoor shades, I realised that it was none other than Jason Pierce, playing the festival with his band Spiritualized, writer of 'Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space', one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Still, sir, I'm a huge admirer of your work, but ... rules are rules.
So, actually, despite all the serious, trained, sport I've played and practiced in my youth, my most accomplished sporting moment was in a casual, relaxed pastime which is best played with a beer and some nachos.
The town I live now's got bowling. And I work flexible hours. Return of the Mack ...
So, I determined to end this strand on a downer, rather a boring downer of breaking my leg playing football, which is I suppose the defining sporting moment I've experienced, both to try to give some perspective on how shitty sport can be sometimes and also because I thought I'd run out of incidents I could conceivably write about with a bit of flair.
But, hell no, I forgot something! How could I forget the time I performed a sport at a genuine high-class professional level? Not for the half a second of "one shot" but for a full half-hour. Yes, you're privileged to be reading the words of a man who once rolled 223.
I've watched the Weber Cup, the biennial competition between the finest bowlers from the USA and Europe. I've seen that, in that context, 223 is a perfectly decent score - not great, they usually get between 220 and 270 (perfect games are gratifyingly rare), but perfectly decent high-class rolling.
Dude.
I love bowling. I love The Big Lebowski. I love the look, the sound, the smell, the burgers and beers of the bowling alley. It's an American institution and it ought to be a British institution too.
There was a time when I bowled a little more than I ought to, both for the wellbeing of my fingers and my mind. Out of work, we'd (or even occasionally I'd) repair to some kind of Megabowl, seizing on some kind of glorious "Bowl as much as you like for £6.95 before 6pm" deal. And we bowled and bowled. We bowled 21 games in one day once. Or was it 40? It was a lot, anyway. Myself and Alex bought special bowling shirts, even thought about getting our own balls. We both got better and better.
I wasn't a great stylist, never really one for the hook onto the front pin, just straight down the line. I wasn't even the fastest. Where I've seen other rollers hit 20mph, I was more in the 15-17 mph range, even when speed was all that I was aiming for.
But my scores quickly went from 120ish to 150+ and beyond. We began to learn the terms for numbers of strikes in a row. The Turkey, for three in a row, the Bagger, for four in a row. We realised how much the game was about momentum, about always managing to at least get a spare somehow, and how it was much better if you missed a spare that it was at the start of a game.
I began to hit a few more 170s and 180s - the kind of game that would usually comprise about 5 strikes, a few spares, and only two or three dead ends.
Then, one time, this would be 2003 or 2004, I can't exactly remember where, but I'm assuming it was at the Park Royal Megabowl, I got the right kind of momentum. There was, I think, five strikes in a row in there, that beautiful sight and sound of the pins flying over and over again, there was probably only one, if any, dead end. 223. A proper score. Basically a bit of luck, really. I never got over 200 again. The way the scoring works means that there's only one or two good rolls between 220odd and 180odd, and I got over 180 quite a few times, but I haven't hit those heights since. Professional level was but a brief apparition. Shame, that would have been a fun circuit to be on. Fucking Quintana ...
These days, I'm happy to get 150, without the time to devote to my craft. Games since that golden era have been only occasional.
Bowling has been gentrified in London towns with these All-Star Lanes, which are cool for the better beer and the nicer food and the classier American look but not so much for the obsessive bowling purist.
One of my weirdest bowling moments was at All Tomorrow's Parties in 2007, which took place at Butlin's, Minehead. Bowling then listening to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Can life get better? One afternoon, we were bowling away between bands, when we saw the dude on the lane next to us rather outrageously carry his little daughter down the lane to about two yards away from the pins, just so she could knock them down. Sweet, but highly irregular. Does no one give A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES ANYMORE? And it was a Shabbas too ... well, as the Dude turned round, with his indoor shades, I realised that it was none other than Jason Pierce, playing the festival with his band Spiritualized, writer of 'Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space', one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Still, sir, I'm a huge admirer of your work, but ... rules are rules.
So, actually, despite all the serious, trained, sport I've played and practiced in my youth, my most accomplished sporting moment was in a casual, relaxed pastime which is best played with a beer and some nachos.
The town I live now's got bowling. And I work flexible hours. Return of the Mack ...
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